Monday, December 13, 2010

Geek Jokes

A poet and a scientist were traveling together on a plane. The scientist was bored and said to the poet, "Hey, you, do you want to play a game? I'll ask you a question, and if you get it wrong, you give me $5. Then, you ask me a question, and if I can't answer it, I'll give you $5."
The poet thought about this for a moment, but he decided against it, seeing that the scientist was obviously a very bright man. He politely turned down the scientist's offer.
The scientist, who was really bored, tried again. "Look, I'll ask you a question, and if you can't answer it, you give me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I can't answer it, I'll give you $50."
The poet agreed. "Okay," the scientist said, "what is the exact distance between the Earth and the Moon?"
The poet, obviously not knowing the answer, didn't stop to think about the scientist's question. He took a $5 bill out of his pocket and handed it to the scientist.
The scientist happily accepted the bill and promptly said, "Okay, now it's your turn."
The poet thought about this for a few minutes, then asked, "All right, what goes up a mountain on three legs, but comes down on four?"
The bright glow quickly vanished from the scientist's face. He thought about this for a long time, taking out his notepad and making numerous calculations. He finally gave up on his notepad and took out his laptop, using his Multimedia Encyclopedia. As the plane was landing the scientist gave up. He reluctantly handed the poet a $50 bill.
The poet accepted it graciously, getting ready to stand up. "Wait!" the scientist shouted, "you can't do this to me! What's the answer?"
The poet looked at the scientist and calmly put a $5 bill into his hand.

Top 10 Fun Things To Do In The Hoth System
10. Playing high-stakes dodgeball with asteroids.
9. Seeing how bad things smell on the INSIDE.
8. Snowball fights.
7. Salvaging wreckage.
6. Watching your pee freeze before it hits the ground.
5. Pitching rocks into Space Slug's cave; running away when he comes out.
4. Hunting Wampas with a bowcaster.
3. Tauntaun tipping.
2. Leaving.
1. Reminding yourself, "At least this is better than Dagobah."

Why Star Wars is Better Than Real Life
In real life, bar fights with strange looking people are often looked at as bad and sinful; In Star Wars, bar fights with strange looking creatures is heroic and the way of the just Jedi Knight.
 In real life, people drive "the Pacer", "the Pinto", and "the Station Wagon;" In Star Wars, people drive "Speeder Bikes", "X-wing fighters", and "the Millennium Falcon."

In real life, people that talk to small fuzzy creatures are called crazy; In Star Wars, people that talk to small fuzzy creatures are called galactic ambassadors.

In real life, people who dress up in tight plastic/leather outfits are considered tacky and queer; In Star Wars, they're called "Storm Troopers" and are feared by all.

In real life, people often stink up the bathroom with their fecal odors, toilet paper runs out, and people get diarrhea; In Star Wars, no one has ever used the bathroom.

In real life, tall hairy, humanlike creatures are rarely seen by backwoods alcoholics, and are named ridiculous things like "Bigfoot" and "Sasquatch"; In Star Wars, tall hairy humanlike creatures are called Wookiees, and have their own language, planet, social structure, and carry formidable weaponry.

In real life, people must deal with the problems of children; In Star Wars, children do not exist.

In real life, it is often difficult to understand the languages of others, such as 7-11 employees, fast food window operators, and college profs.; In Star Wars, everyone understands everybody, regardless of language barriers.

In real life, the extremely obese are often sadly shunned by society; In Star Wars, the extremely obese Jabba the Hutt is a pimp daddy, and has his own sail barge, lounge room, and dancers to keep him occupied--he is envied by all.

In real life, people often have problems doing simple mechanical things like operating can openers, programming VCRs, and playing Nintendo; In Star Wars, Droids do all the busy work in half the time.

In real life, some people are complete losers; In Star Wars, everybody has a story to tell that's worth listening to.

In real life, people sometimes smell; In Star Wars, people are never "ripe", and yet they need not shower